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1989-12-31
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175 lines
#*~f1f
#*~FONT4
Chief Engineer / Acting Science Officer: Peter E Augustin.
#*~FONT1
Since no one seems to want to know the answer to the the Question of life
the universe and everything? And giving that our Captain D. hollis said that I
looked like a Klingon in last month's picture (me a Klingon! Vulcan maybe?) I'm
going to play the part of the klingon in a war game simulation and shoot down
his two Star Trek cockups from last month.
(Starfleet combat rule ONE never fire first, as the enemy might out gun you.)
That's the good thing about having three editors (Command Officers) on
the starship ST+ is that there's always someone to take temporary command when
the captain gets called back to starfleet academy to re-learn WARP DRIVE theory.
Sorry boss but not only was your maths wrong in last months 'Star trek cockups'
section (well not actually wrong but you missed an important mistake in the
basic theory). You also also made an assumption based on insufficient data.
The first point that you went into great lengths to get wrong was about
the time it would take U.S.S. Voyager to travel the 70,000 light years back to
FEDERATION SPACE at its maximum SUSTAINABLE warp speed of 9.97. Well according
to my calculations at the speed of only warp 9.9 it would take just over 23
years to make the trip. Go on check your copy of the Star Trek Encyclopedia.
Only £12.99 at all good book stores, and I guess more at the bad ones. I'll
wait.
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Oh come on hurry up I haven't got all day (whoa!, Mr.Impatient - ED). it's on
page 372
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OK. You must have check it by now and you say that I'm wrong? Yes!
#*~font9
At warp 9.9 it would take 231 years, so there!!!!!!
#*~font1
Well your still wrong so lets go back to basics for one minute. If that all
right with you?
Warp factors are units of measurement of faster than light velocities
using a geometrical formula in which warp one = the speed of light. Don't worry
about the fact that it's geometric or even what that means, this is basic don't
forget.
So at WARP ONE ( 1, 00000001, 01h, get the idea ).How long would it take to
travel just ONE light year? (Remember that a light year is a measurement of
distance not time, it the distance that a ray of light would travel in one year.
I know you know that but don't forget this is back to basics.)
#*~font9
ANSWERS one year.
#*~font1
Good boy, now don't fall out of your chair Captain Hollis cause now's
here's a command level question for you, in your head, don't cheat and look it
up, and i'll even give you ten seconds to work it out. At WARP ONE how long
would it take to travel, oh... say... 10,000 light years?
TEN.
What done it already?
#*~font9
ANSWER 10,000 years.
#*~font1
O.K. you can now go and check it out in the Encyclopedia.
#*~font9
What the ****!! The ship going bloody backwards, I want a LEVEL ONE
DIAGNOSTIC on all warp drive systems.
#*~font1
Yes that's right all the chart entries for the 10,000 light years scale are
wrong, or rather one decimal place out. So read 100,000 years as 10,000 years
and 33 years as 3.3 years. I'm surprised that they let such a mistake slip by
them and that no one seems to have notice it. (By the way it's been corrected in
the CD ROM Omnipedia.)
At a constant speed of only WARP 8 it would take about 69 years to make the
70,000 light year trip, so allowing 2 or so years for repairs, re-fuelling,
shore leave, a fire fight or two, and the all important stops at the hair
dressers for Captain Janeway (that's where the other 4 come from), you get the
estimate of 75.
But as Captain of this ship you should have pick it up and as such I think
that I deserve a promotions to Lieutenant Commander.
#*~font11
(A dinnae think ye can take promotion laddie, ye might blow up.... oh, all right
then, Lieutenant Commander it is but you realise your now a PERMANENT fixture in
engineering (that'll teach 'im. - Ed)
#*~font1
As to your second point that Gene Roddenberry insisted that a Federation
starship could only have 1/2 or 4 warp nacelles and never 3. I would like to
know when and where he made that statement, as I've never seen it and I have
even seen a federation starship with 3 nacelles apart from the upgraded
Enterprise D. The 'Dreadnought Class' checkout the 'Star Fleet Technical Manual'
published by Titan Books to celebrate Star trek's 25th anniversary in 1991. This
would have had to have been written before his passing that year and has
publishing permission from Paramount Television. It's credit listing is a who's
who of Star Trek experts including :- Matt Jefferies (designer of the original
Enterprise and the one all the access ways are named after 'Jefferies Tubes'),
Bjo Trimble (the author of 'Star Trek Concordance' an A to Z guide to the
classic series and films which is considered a bible amongst the Star Trek
production crew) and of course the great bird him self Gene Roddenberry.
#*~font11
(Well, to be honest I cant remember EXACTLY when I heard this but I AM sure it
was on one of my trek video's, on an interview I think with Rick Sternbach,
I'll do my best to dig it out and I'LL QUOTE THE MAN DIRECTLY....if I can find
the video, no promises mind - Ed).
#*~font1
Sorry Dave (phaser hit to your warp core, your dead. End holodeck
programme.......(and then run Ed simulation 2 - Ed)
O.K. before I hand command back to Captain Hollis (I don't want it, too
much like hard work) one quick question for all of you out there with copies of
'The Next Generation Technical Manual'. Doesn't the first design proposal for
the Nova class ship look a lot like the U.S.S Voyager.
Little known Star Trek facts.
Main Engineering on the original Enterprise is located at the bottom rear
end of the primary hull saucer section along with the impulse engines and not in
the secondary hull.(and the primary and secondary hulls could only be
reconnected at a starbase - Ed)
P.Augustin 280196
#*~font11
A few more trek facts:-
Chris Jenkins and I (the Ed) share the same birthday as Gene Roddenberry, 19th
August and August is the majority of Peter's surname, wierd eh.
over 10 million trek video's have been sold worldwide (and I have a few of 'em).
Gene Roddenberry Married Majel Barret only 13 day's before I was born - Ed.
unless I'm in error a klingon shuttlecraft has never been seen (could it be they
consider them useless? - Ed)
Peter: sorry about jumping in a bit too often but I just HAD to try and defend
my ship, I hope the above tit bit's allow me 'REDEMPTION' for my errors.